Starless Night
by Viviendolibra17
Summary: New Moon from Edward's point of veiw, starting at Bella's birthday party. "I saw her blood, delicious, dripping out of her thin skin. Just one lick, one drop, just one taste of that hevenly liquid, quenching my thirst... My angel, my torment."
1. Monsters

_I'm starting my story at Bella's birthday party, right when she cuts her finger. Hope you like it. _

The present slit her finger and it took a second. Just one second. And my entire world shattered. I watched in horror as the tiny drop of blood oozed out from Bella's finger. I could feel the slight pull in Jasper's mind, then the silent crash of his will vanishing.

"NO!" I launched myself at Bella without thinking, my instinct to defend her automatic. Carlisle was fine, Alice and Rosalie and Esme were shocked, and Emmett was panicked.

Jasper's mind was a red haze.

He was gone, my brother's personality completely overpowered by the predator instinct to get to his prey, my beloved.

I pushed Bella back, as far away from danger as I could. Her scent hit me, too strong, blocking out all else, and I cut off my airflow as my thirst intensified. She flew backwards, knocking plates and cake everywhere, she was going to fall on the glass.

I was ready to turn, to catch her before she could come to harm, but I wasn't the only one trying to get to her.

Jasper rammed into me, his teeth snapping, viciously trying to get me out of the way. I was blocking him from his prey, from his food. Emmett rushed to try and help me, his mind fighting the thirst as he hadn't stopped breathing. Jaspers mind was clouded over by instinct, he was truly a monster now, trying to duck and weave to get past me.

Once he ducked too low, and Emmett grabbed him from behind. Vampires are strong, and Emmett is the strongest of our clan. Jasper continued to struggle, his mind focused only on tasting that sweet blood. In his mind, he could see himself breaking free of Emmett's hold and rushing to the sweet liquid that was Bella.

He imagined himself draining her body of all it's blood, and casting aside her dead body. The feeling of fresh blood as it coursed through his veins, more sustaining than any animal.

A calm voice cut through the turmoil, Carlisle's mind assessing the situation.

"Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside."

I didn't need to turn and look at Bella to see what happened. I could see her face repeated out six times through my family's minds. And her arm. She was bleeding, badly. I didn't dare take a breath, but I could feel my family's control slipping as the scent of her blood permeated throughout the room, thick as incense, burning up their throats, taunting them with the relief that a drink from her neck would bring.

For a second, I could see clearly the vampires that we were. I saw their pitch black eyes looking hungrily at the delicious liquid flowing from the gash in her arm. She wasn't safe. I crouched over her, snarling at my family. Three of them left, but two minds remained burning with thirst. Esme left, but I kept up my defense.

I wasn't going to let anything happen to Bella.

"Let me by Edward," I barely heard Carlisle's voice, the image of the monsters that could attack my love still fresh in my mind.

Slowly, I began to hear my father's mind again, along with Alice's. Alice was still fighting the thirst, and her mind was focused on Jasper, part of her considering that Bella was injured as well. Carlisle was looking at Bella's gash, and he was worried about the blood she was losing. She was injured, she needed help.

Carlisle's face was the only one that reflected no thirst, and thus no danger to Bella. Letting him by would help Bella. I slowly nodded. Bella needed help, Carlisle was safe for her. I stood up and relaxed a little bit.

We both turned to look at my angel. Her face was shocked, frightened, as she should be. I couldn't believe that I had risked this. She tried to compose herself as Alice handed Carlisle a towel. But I could see there was a lot of glass in the cut. I looked at her blood, delicious, dripping out of her thin skin.

Just one lick, one drop, just one taste of that hevenly liquid, quenching my thirst-

no. I looked back at her treasured face, a different pain lancing through my stomach as I could see she was hurting. Carlisle put a tourniquet on her arm, and her eyes lost focus for a moment. I could hear her heart, pounding double time in her chest. Carlisle spoke to her softly, soothingly. Bella wouldn't want to go to the hospital, she wouldn't want other people to find out. She was embarrassed of her clumsiness. Carlisle needed Bella in the kitchen, so I picked her up as my father kept a hold of her arm.

I set her on the table, the memory of her scent clear in my brain as I could see the shining red liquid on her arm. It would taste so sweet, just like it had in the mirror room. I shuddered at the memory, remembering her body lying broken in the ballet studio, the bloody image of an angel.

"Just go, Edward." She sighed. I didn't want to leave her. I looked into my angel's face, and I knew my eyes were burning, and I kept my mouth clenched shut against her blood.

"I can handle it." She needed me. She was frightened. I would stay with her. The red stained glass. I could just pick up one, and lick it clean. Her blood would be so soothing.

"You don't need to be a hero." Her voice saved me, kept me there.

She was so much more precious than a little bit of blood. No matter how sweet it was.

"Carlisle can fix me without your help. Get some fresh air." But she winced as Carlisle pulled another piece of glass, dripping, taunting me, from her arm. She was in pain.

"I'll stay."

"Why are you so masochistic?" Her sweet voice was distraught. Masochist? But she was in pain. Nothing else mattered.

"Edward, you may as well go find Jasper before he gets too far. I'm sure he's upset with himself, and I doubt he'll listen to anyone but you right now." Carlisle was always a voice of reason. I, however, was not in a reasonable mood.

"Yes," My angel sounded hopeful. "Go find Jasper." I saw Jasper's dark face in my head, snarling at my Bella as he strained to take her away from me. What did I care where he was?

"You might as well do something useful." Alice tried to convince me as well, and she was the one that really cared, not just about getting me away from Bella's scent, but about Jasper.

I saw his face clearly in her mind, not the monster, but my brother. His mouth was contorted in a grimace, and his eyes were tortured as he ran. I couldn't hear his mind through Alice's vision, but I could feel Alice's pain, probably even more acute than Jasper's, at the sight of her husband suffering. I looked at Bella, and saw her pleading eyes. I couldn't disagree and further. I turned out away from them, and raced outside to find my brother, to find another monster like me.

A/N: Whew! Edward is hard to write!! I decided to start up a new story, now that Never Say Die is finished, and I decided I would tell Edward's story. I didn't realise it would be so hard!! Im sorry if its really bad, I'll try to update real soon if people want me to. How was my version of Edward? Did you like it? REVIEW!!! please?(smiles)


	2. Running

_I turned out away from them, and raced outside to find my brother, to find another monster like me. _

I ran in the direction of Alice's vision, not really paying that much attention to what I was doing. The nights events had settled over my head, making it difficult to breathe. In my house, in my house full of vampires, I had almost lost everything dear to me. Bella had come so close to…

I couldn't even think of it, but Jasper's fantasy was sharp in my mind.

Jasper leaning over Bella. Bella, frozen in shock as Jasper sinks his teeth into her flesh. Bella wouldn't scream, but she lets out a soft gasp as the fire hit her veins. Then, her eyes glaze over as her body begins to shut down, nothing for her heart to pump. She looks at me, she eyes holding no blame, just a loving sadness.

Then she is no more. Her eyes close, and Jasper drops her to the ground. She falls limply, like a doll. Jasper looks up, his eyes crimson, as I run to her. Only then would he realize what he had done. Only once her blood was gone, when the temptation was gone, would he wake up. By then it would be too late. Everything would already be gone.

I realized that what happened at Bella's party would happen again, and again.

Bella's skin was thin, it took only a limp piece of paper to break the weak barrier that kept all hell from breaking loose. Her fragile skin, so thin that I could see her veins pushing her too sweet blood through her veins. I knew I couldn't protect Bella all the time, there would be another time when her blood was shed, accident prone as she was. Normally, that would be okay. She gets stiches, or a bandaid, and then everything would be fine. The only thing she would have to show for it would be her scars.

But here, with me, my Bella was in much more danger.

Every time she was with us, she was at constant risk. What if the next time I wasn't fast enough? After all, I had never beaten Jasper in a fight. With all of his former experience, he relied on instinct so much that I could just barely judge his attacks before they came. If it weren't for Emmett and Rosalie, I didn't know if I could have stopped him.

The pain rippled through my body again as I realized just how close I had come to losing Bella. I couldn't take it. Today had shown me more than ever before the painful reality.

As much as we tried to civilize ourselves, much as we tried to be of no harm, at the core of our being we were still monsters. I could deal with that reality, even if it put hundreds of thousands of people at risk, if it was just who we were. But I couldn't deal with that reality, because it put Bella at risk. I knew my control wasn't perfect, not by far, and even I was a risk to Bella, I was a risk to the one I loved. A new wave of agony hit me as I thought about my control. What if it were me who lost control? What if I slipped, as I knew I might?

In essence nothing had changed. It wasn't Jasper's fault, what had happened. It was just his bad luck that he was the one who struggled with their control the most. I knew he would be beating himself up about it for a long time. I would try to let him know that no one blamed him for it at all. What happened at the party, that was just what was to be expected. I always knew that something like that would happen. I had just been lucky so far with Bella, but I couldn't expect to continue being lucky forever.

She _would _get hurt, and it would be because she loved a vampire.

I sighed, knowing that something had to change. I needed to think of my options. I knew I couldn't continue like this. It was putting too much risk on Bella, and risking Bella was not something I was willing to do. I needed to find a way for us to stop putting Bella in danger. A voice in the back of my mind whispered at me, so tempting, and so healing.

_You could make it so that she would be strong enough to take care of herself. You could make it so that her sweet blood would never be a problem. _

I could see it so clearly. Bella could join us. She could become a true Cullen. I imagined what that would be like. I could walk up to her, and focus on her, and only her, without having a part of me that wanted to kill her. I could take her hand, and when I ran, she would keep up. We could hunt side by side, two creatures of the night, bound by eternity. I could hug her, and kiss her, fully, without having to be careful. I could spend the nights talking with her, instead of wasting the time with her half unconscious, asleep.

She wouldn't _die. _We would be together forever.

I smiled for a moment. I couldn't imagine a more perfect heaven. Why shouldn't that be? We belonged together, we should be together forever, it was just the way it should be.

_No, it isn't. _

The back of my mind wasn't healing this time, as it cut through my conscious.

_You shouldn't exist. _

I didn't want to think about what my happiness would cost Bella. She would be a monster too, just like us. She would have to give up everything that she loved, just for me. Was I really worth her world?

I knew I wasn't. I was just a monster, a monster that had come and taken over her life. If I had never met her, she would have been fine, she would have been happy. If I had never come and stole her from the world, her life would have taken its natural course. She would probably have gotten into a nice college, she would have graduated. Bella had so much love in her, it was ridiculous to think that she wouldn't have gotten married.

She would have been happy without me.

I know that I could never have been as truly happy as Bella had made me without her.

A slight intrusion to my mind interrupted my thinking. I could feel a different pain, a monumental guilt, coming from someone close by. I had found Jasper.

_A/N: Okay, so I know that nothing really happened in this chapter. But Edward really does overthink everything. This is going to be a long fanfic... Let me know what you thought. Criticism i_s _welcome, I need all the help I can get to make Edward's story as real as I can. _


	3. Brothers

_A slight intrusion to my mind interrupted my thinking. I could feel a different pain, a monumental guilt, coming from someone close by. I had found Jasper._

It wasn't hard to find him, once I had located his mind. He was all but screaming.

Jasper knew me better than anyone on earth, I think, aside from Carlisle maybe. His gift allowed him to know my exact reaction to every problem that came my way. Thus, he knew how much _his_ mistake would haunt _me_. He thought that I would be angry at him, for endangering Bella's life.

He was wrong on that account; I was not mad at him, it wasn't his fault he was so new to this life of abstinence. It wasn't his fault that he couldn't control his need yet. If I hadn't been denying my thirst for nearly ninety years, I wouldn't be able to control myself either. I called his name

"Jasper!" he knew he was being followed, and when he heard my voice, he turned around. He would have kept running, but I was faster than he, there was no point.

_Edward_. He acknowledged me in his mind. He forced himself to look me full in the face. His eyes were dull, his mind was chaotic. He stood there, half expecting me to attack. He didn't steel himself for my spring, but he was expecting it all the same.

He just thought that he deserved it, so he wasn't going to stop me.

"Jasper," I said again. I tried to push my fears for Bella out of my mind, to no avail.

"This is not your fault." I tried again. Bella's bloody arm flashed again in my mind. I wanted to get back to her. But I had to do this first.

Jasper's eyes narrowed. He could feel my emotions. He was surprised that I was genuinely not angry with him. But he could feel my worry, my anguish for what had almost happened at Bella's party.

_You don't blame me. That doesn't mean it wasn't my fault_. Jasper's guilt was getting the better of him.

"Jasper, there was nothing you could have done. It isn't your fault you struggle the most."

He frowned. Jasper disagreed with me. He thought he should have been stronger. He had handled Bella's blood before.

"Yes, but you were prepared for it then. You were relaxed tonight, you had no warning." I tried to help ease the guilt he felt.

_I shouldn't have let my guard down_. My words weren't helping much.

"Jasper, even if you were prepared, you still would have struggled."

He was still mentally berating himself. He thought that he should have hunted more recently, so he was less thirsty.

"You hunted just over a week ago!" My voice was strained. "There wasn't a need for you to hunt."

He knew he would be seeing Bella, he should have prepared.

"You see Bella nearly everyday. You can't start hunting every single day."

He was actually considering that, even though it would be an endless task for him to keep up with.

"Jasper, Bella's arm is injured. That has nothing to do with you. You haven't done anything at all. There has been no harm done." I tried to control my emotions so he couldn't tell, but he knew me too well.

We both knew that was a lie. Bella would be fine, it was true, but I would not be. Tonight had shoved reality in my face, and I would need to make some changes now, I wasn't yet sure what I would do.

"It was going to happen sometime." I said. "There was no way to avoid an accident forever."

Jasper felt terrible about that. He felt that he was a liability; he felt that it was only he who was putting Bella in danger.

"No Jasper," I shook my head. "Emmett is nearly as unstable as you. And Alice and Esme don't hunt as frequently. Bella's blood holds a strong call to me. We are all a liability to Bella, not just you."

_I am the still biggest danger_. He argued silently.

"Maybe, but we were all like that once." I reminded him. "Its not your fault Bella is here at the time when you are the weakest."

He didn't like the word weakest, but he agreed with it. His mind was still in turmoil. I knew nothing I said would assuage his guilt. However, I could try to take his mind off of it.

"Alice is worried about you."

His mind spun in another direction, as I had meant it to. Causing Alice worry was not something he had meant to do. He wanted to get back to her. He wanted to talk with her. In his mind, if he only could see Alice, everything would be okay. And for him, that would probably be true.

"She's the one that convinced me to come get you."

_I was wondering why you left Bella. Where is Alice now?_ His mind was focused on her again.

"She's helping Carlisle with Bella."

We both knew that Jasper probably shouldn't go back to the house until after Bella left, since Bella was still bleeding, even if she was stitched up.

"We should go back to the house though." He frowned, but I continued. "I need to get back to Bella, you can wait close by for Alice."

Once again, Alice was the magic word. He nodded unnecessarily, looking confused when I hesitated. He thought I wanted to get back to Bella, and it was true, it was hard for me to be away from her for even this little amount of time. My hand was aching to hold hers, to touch her cheek, I wanted to see her brilliant eyes again.

But going back to Bella would mean that I would have to think some more. And I wasn't sure I wanted to.

_If your so worried about her safety… _Jasper thought, his mind drifting to the three day change. He didn't understand why I refused to make Bella one of us.

The image came into my mind again. I saw my Bella looking at me with topaz eyes, just like mine. She reached out to take my hand, and when she gave it a slight squeeze, I could feel the strength there. A strength equal to mine. The strength in her hand would be the end of my worries, the end of her fragile, breakable body to a perfect, indestructible one.

We would be so completely happy together like that. But it would never be. I would never let it be. I ground my teeth together.

"No." I looked back at Jasper. "Lets go."

A/N: Okay, well this is actually really fun!!! I'm almost done the next chapter too, but im greedy. These chapters take up a lot of my time to write, so I want to be sure I have enough readers for this to be worth my while. If you want the next chapter, review, and I'll get it up just that much faster for every person who tells me how much they love me :) Thanks for reading!!!


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